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Post by Alex Meriweather on Jun 30, 2010 20:37:08 GMT -5
Alex glanced over at his laptop and tapped out a couple of away messages, then closed it and looked at Hitoshi.
"What do you want to ask?" he said, tone neutral.
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Post by Hitoshi Gilespi on Jun 30, 2010 20:46:16 GMT -5
Hitoshi shrugged, and he felt his stomach tighten slightly. He could think of several things he wanted to ask, but he wasn't sure what he actually should ask. And...well, there were a few questions to which he wasn't sure he actually wanted the answers.
And he wasn't sure if 'Is he really as much of an ass as he lets on' was the best thing to ask, all things considered.
"Just...I don't know. What's he like?" He paused. "How does he treat you?"
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Post by Alex Meriweather on Jun 30, 2010 20:49:56 GMT -5
"Are you worried about me?" Alex smiled. "He's- to be honest, I don't find him that obnoxious in general. He's forward, but... Blaise wouldn't do something coercive, if that's what you mean."
"I think, honestly, he's- errm." The side of his mouth twitched. "Let me try that again: how honest do you want me to be?"
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Post by Hitoshi Gilespi on Jun 30, 2010 21:12:31 GMT -5
"It's... I don't know." Hitoshi closed his eyes and clenched his hands in the pillow. "It hurts to think of you with him. A lot. Especially because it's him. I couldn't stand him even before, and..." He felt his throat close up slightly, and he sighed. It helped, just a little bit, to know that Hitomi hated him, too. To know that maybe, just maybe, there was something there besides his own bias.
"Just...tell me honestly." His voice sounded much steadier than it had any right to be, but there was a tightness around the edges, like he was ready to crack. "Do you like him better than me?"
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Post by Alex Meriweather on Jun 30, 2010 22:03:41 GMT -5
Alex crossed his arms over his chest and focused on a spot just above Hitoshi's face. "That's not remotely a fair question to ask." He swallowed. "And it's disturbing that that is what you're focusing on. It hurts that-"
"Nnnngh," he growled in irritation. "I- no, Toshi, no, I like you, okay? It bothers me that you think I'm this one true love, that- that it seems like the only reason you even care about me is because you don't have the spine to find someone who didn't throw themself at you. Maybe I just wanted to see what it was like to have someone who would go after me. Maybe I don't like being your nice safe option to be discarded the moment you stop being co-dependent!"
The light coming from the window outside looked a lot closer to mid-morning than near-dark.
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Post by Hitoshi Gilespi on Jun 30, 2010 22:20:30 GMT -5
Hitoshi's expression hardened, and he pushed himself upright. His fists clenched in the sheets. "Maybe I just don't heal as fast as you. You dumped me at the drop of a hat because you're afraid of commitment, without even talking to me about whatever the hell was bothering you, and went off chasing after the first person to pay attention to you--who by the way, is probably only interested in you because he can't get in the pants of that guy he's rooming with. At least I was willing to make some effort and try to work things out, but apparently you're too damn selfish to even think about that." His voice shook slightly, and he tried to hold himself together. "And I didn't exactly hear you complaining when I kissed you at the museum."
A faint musical noise interrupted him, coming from somewhere between them on the bed. Alex's phone must have slipped out of his pocket. Without thinking, Hitoshi reached forward and snatched it.
A text message. From Blaise.
hwos hte trp? omgf je plyad a dmikning game wiht rHsy but je ne drkn. Je siius ok.
"Oh, yeah, he's a real winner," Hitoshi said coldly. "So tell me, is he drunk, or just illiterate?"
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Post by Alex Meriweather on Jun 30, 2010 22:31:56 GMT -5
Alex snatched the phone back and stood up off the bed. "Do not grab my things. This isn't about Blaise, and I don't care what he is."
"Of course I'm afraid of commitment!" His voice wavered. "I'm a fifteen-year-old boy for gods' sake, what do you want, a wedding ring? The only thing you've tried to talk out is how jealous you are that there might be another boy in the world who'd want to kiss me." At the end, it broke, and he swallowed back tears.
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Post by Hitoshi Gilespi on Jun 30, 2010 22:41:13 GMT -5
"I'm not asking for a wedding ring!" he snapped. "I'm not even asking for you to go to prom with me. I'd just like to know I'm not going to get dumped because, god forbid, you think you might actually like me."
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Post by Alex Meriweather on Jun 30, 2010 23:02:01 GMT -5
Alex choked, and the light bulbs flared and fizzled. That wasn't it... that wasn't completely it. Yes, he was scared, but didn't he have a goddamn right to be? What was wrong with wanting to have more than one boyfriend in his life, in seeing what it was he actually wanted?
"I told you that I liked you. Excuse me for wanting enough perspective to see if I could tell 'clingy, broken loser' from true love." He stomped towards the door. "I'm going to go text my boyfriend- stick your nose in a book and look up 'coping with loss', why don't you?"
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Post by Hitoshi Gilespi on Jun 30, 2010 23:07:10 GMT -5
Hitoshi blinked slightly, trying to blink back the tears and failing rather miserably. It wasn't enough that he had to stab him--he had to twist the knife in the wound.
"You don't know the first thing about loss," he spat. "And if wishing that I had never met you would bring my mother back, believe me, I would do it in a heartbeat."
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Post by Alex Meriweather on Jun 30, 2010 23:09:11 GMT -5
Alex ran out of the room and slammed the door. He made it most of the way down the hallway and into the stairwell before he broke down sobbing.
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Post by Hoshi Yogo on Jun 30, 2010 23:17:58 GMT -5
There was yelling... a lot of it. Way more than there should have been in his apartment.
Hotel room. He was in Greece. And the voices were--Hitoshi? Hitoshi and... Alex. Oh shit.
Hoshi came to his senses just in time to hear the last thing that Alex said, and he felt that one physically. He wasn't sure what had happened, but...that was well over the line. It was hard to believe Alex was capable of anything that hurtful, especially not with just how deliberate that sounded.
He sat up just in time to hear the door slam, then looked over at Hitoshi sympathetically. "You okay?" he asked, pulling one leg up underneath him. "If you want to talk about it--"
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Post by Hitoshi Gilespi on Jun 30, 2010 23:21:02 GMT -5
Hitoshi looked over at the professor coldly, his hands trembling. He knew he shouldn't talk back to a professor, but at this point, getting yelled at for insolence would be a severe improvement. "Stay out of this," he seethed. "This has nothing to do with you."
Hitoshi turned away from the professor and pulled the comforter over his head to block out the light.
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Post by Hoshi Yogo on Jun 30, 2010 23:25:03 GMT -5
Hoshi felt about like he had been punched in the stomach, and he suddenly thought he had a good idea how Hitoshi must have felt right about then. He should have been angry that a student had talked to him like that. Even Kemekin wouldn't dare that level of insubordination. But all he could manage was a deep feeling of failure and loss.
"Of course," he said quietly. "Sorry. Let me know if you need anything."
Hoshi waited until Hitoshi turned away before he let a few tears slip out, then quickly wiped them away and lay back down on the pillow.
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Post by Alex Meriweather on Jul 1, 2010 11:03:52 GMT -5
_________
Eventually, Alex returned to the room. He quietly opened the door and slipped in to kneel beside the Hitoshi-lump on the bed.
"I'm sorry," he began. He had rehearsed exactly what he was going to say on the walk back, and he figured it was important to start with that bit. "If you're still awake- I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that, and I would never intentionally hurt you like that."
He paused and waited for some kind of response.
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Post by Hitoshi Gilespi on Jul 1, 2010 11:13:39 GMT -5
Hitoshi tensed slightly, then slowly pushed the blanket away from his face. He stared at Alex with a cold, distant expression. Something passed over his expression at Alex's last few words, then quickly vanished.
"Then maybe you should learn not to say things you don't mean," he said quietly.
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Post by Alex Meriweather on Jul 1, 2010 11:29:45 GMT -5
He nodded. "I- yeah. Yeah, I should."
Alex swallowed. He stuck his hands under his armpits so he wouldn't start fiddling with things. "You're right that I don't know how much that hurt you, and I don't expect you to forgive me, but I shouldn't've said that. And... in general, I've been selfish. You were right about that, too."
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Post by Hitoshi Gilespi on Jul 1, 2010 11:50:21 GMT -5
Hitoshi bit his lip, staring up at Alex. "You have no idea how much I want not to forgive you," he whispered, "but you're not exactly making it easy."
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Post by Alex Meriweather on Jul 1, 2010 12:03:29 GMT -5
Alex thought about how to respond to that. He knew he could say all the right things to make Hitoshi forgive him if he tried; he knew Hitoshi very well, and he knew the other boy still cared about him, and even if it was far worse than he thought, he was very good at this. On the other hand... while part of him said that patching things up immediately would be the best thing for everyone involved, he had the vague impression that it would be cheap and somewhat unethical, and a more cynical part of him pointed out that Hitoshi's unwavering devotion was the thing he'd had a problem with in the first place.
"Well, I'm sorry about that, too." He gave Hitoshi just enough of a smile to let him know that Alex wasn't being self-deprecating or insincere. "Do you think we should sleep, and you can decide in the morning? It's been too long of a day."
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Post by Hitoshi Gilespi on Jul 1, 2010 12:15:19 GMT -5
"Yeah. I think that would help." Hitoshi sat up, the blankets pooling around him, and slipped his glasses off of his nose. "I'm going to go change into something for bed."
He kicked the blankets away and dug something out of his suitcase, then headed off to the bathroom and doused himself with cold water.
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Post by Alex Meriweather on Jul 1, 2010 12:42:42 GMT -5
After Hitoshi left, Alex let out the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding and flopped forward to bury his face in the side of the mattress.
He opened up his laptop and shut it down, put up the dishes, then grabbed his pajamas and sat on the bed to wait.
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Post by Hoshi Yogo on Jul 1, 2010 14:54:11 GMT -5
The light streamed in through the window, moonlight and streetlight mixing together and lighting the room in a strange blue monochrome. A warm, soothing sensation washed over him.
He sat up slowly, his eyes sweeping over the room. The window was open, the curtain blowing gently in the night wind. Hoshi frowned. When had the window opened?
He pushed himself off of the bed and crossed to the window, peering out. There was nothing around... He shook his head slightly, pulling back inside and closing the window. Maybe one of the boys had opened it after he fell asleep.
He turned around to head back to bed, and nearly collapsed from the sight before him. There, sitting in the moonlight on the edge of his bed, wild blond hair blowing in the wind, sat the last person Hoshi would have ever expected to see.
She smiled warmly. "Hoshi..." Her voice was as warm and soft as he remembered, but it lingered strangely, not quite echoing. "It's been a long time."
Hoshi swallowed down the lump from his throat. "Cassandra," he whispered.
"I think you and I need to have a talk." She smirked slightly. "It's about sixteen years later than it should have been, unfortunately. Sit down?" She gestured toward the spot beside her.
Hoshi nodded numbly and forced himself forward, though his limbs seemed hesitant to move. Somehow he managed to make his way to the bed and sat down, rather stiffly, next to her.
"I'm sorry," he whispered. "For everything. I couldn't--"
She pressed an icy finger to his lips, interrupting him. "Hoshi..." She met him with those sad, intense eyes, and he couldn't quite find his voice again. "You have spent the last year trying to fix my mistakes. You have nothing to apologize for. If anything..." She bit her lip and looked off to the side, the same way her son did when he was trying to decipher some hidden meaning in a passage of literature. "If anything, Hoshi, I should be apologizing to you. What I did...it wasn't fair to you. I wanted to talk to you so many times, but I thought it would be better for you not to get involved, and...now it seems I just made things worse. I just wanted to make sure you didn't get hurt."
"You had a very funny way of showing it back then," he replied, the corners of his lips slowly drawing up in a smile.
Cassandra smirked, leaning her cheek against her hand. "In my defense, Hoshi, one typically moves away from a door being slammed, not toward it."
"I'm a nonconformist." He grinned.
Cassandra shook her head and wrapped her arms tightly around him. "I've missed you, Hoshi. And I don't think I can ever apologize enough for what I did. Do you think you can find it within yourself to forgive me?"
"I forgave you a long time ago, Cassandra." Her hair was cold against his fingers, like water. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried not to think of anything else.
"I don't have much time, Hoshi, and you're not the only person I need to see tonight. I just don't want you to blame yourself for this." She hesitated and pulled back away from him, her hand finding his. "And about the twins... Hitomi will understand. She's so much like Rivienne in that way. But Hitoshi..." She shook her head. "You'll just have to give him time, and hope that he won't hold my mistakes against you."
He nodded slowly. He had known from the day he met him that Hitoshi was going to be problematic. He just hoped that Cassandra was right about Hitomi. If even one of them could forgive him, he could sleep a little more soundly.
"There are things coming, Hoshi. Dark things. Some of them to do with their prophecy..." She glanced over at Hitoshi and Alex, sound asleep on the nearby bed. "And others still. I'm not allowed to tell you any more, but...keep an eye on my family. Please."
"Of course," he murmured. "I won't let anything happen to Hitoshi or Hitomi, if I can help it." Something occurred to him then, and his eyes widened slightly. "Listen, about Ellie..."
She ran her fingers through her hair, staring at the window. "She makes you happy, Hoshi. I think you deserve a little bit of happiness."
She stood, and dissolved into the moonlight as suddenly as she appeared.
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Post by Hitoshi Gilespi on Jul 1, 2010 18:51:02 GMT -5
Snow fell around him, soft and cold, draped like a blanket over the earth. It spread out in every direction, white sky meeting white ground, until there was nothing left. Just the serenity of the snow.
"Not enjoying the summer, I take it?"
Hitoshi jumped slightly, turning in place. His voice caught in his throat. "Mom."
The woman smiled sadly. "Hitoshi, I am...so very sorry," she whispered. She enfolded him in her strong arms, and Hitoshi suddenly felt much smaller.
He struggled to find words, and when he couldn't, he just lay against her and let the tears come silently. He knew it wasn't real. He knew it wasn't. But it felt so close, like she was really there. It would hurt even worse in the morning, when he remembered she was gone. But for now...for now he would enjoy the few short minutes he could spend pretending that he had his mother back.
"You've grown so much. I feel like I've missed everything." She smiled and ran her fingers through his hair. "I always did like your hair long. I'm glad you didn't cut it."
"I wouldn't," he said tightly. "I haven't. Not since you died."
"You'll get split-ends that way, you know. A few inches every once in a while wouldn't hurt you." She looked off in the distance, like she was watching for something. "I wish I was half the mother you seem to think I was, Hitoshi. I wish I knew what to tell you to make this better. I wish I had known the right thing to do sixteen years ago. I think one of the downsides of predicting the future is the terrible inability to see the present."
Hitoshi felt his stomach clench up. He wanted to say something. That she had been the perfect mother. That she had done the best she could with them, especially given her circumstances.
"Sometimes I worry that you and that boy are too alike in the wrong ways," she murmured. "I just hope that you don't end up hurting each other beyond what you can take."
Hitoshi tensed. "He shouldn't have said that. He had no right to say that."
"I know, sweetheart," she said soothingly. "He shouldn't have. But he knows that, and he wants your forgiveness. Whether you'll admit it or not, you love him, and I think he loves you, too."
"I want to hate him." He clenched his fists on the frozen ground.
"No, you don't," she whispered. "I don't even think you're really mad at him." She pulled back and pushed his bangs out of his eyes. "I think you're mad at me."
"Why would I be mad at you?" Hitoshi snapped. "You didn't... It's not like you chose to leave, or..." He cringed and pulled away. His voice softened. "But...you could have told me. You could have done something to prepare me for whatever the hell is going on. You could have told me who my father was, or at least left me to someone better than Tristan." Tears welled up in his eyes. "I needed you. Why did you have to leave?"
Hitoshi knew he must have sounded like a child. He felt like a child. But it felt surprisingly good to get it off his chest. To just tell her.
"I know, sweetheart," she murmured. She squeezed his hand. "I know." She was quiet for a long moment. "Hitoshi, did you really mean what you told him earlier? That you would trade him for me?"
Hitoshi blinked back tears and shook his head. "I don't know," he whispered. "I really don't know."
His mother looked at him sadly, tears in her eyes, and pulled him close again. "I love you, Hitoshi. Remember that."
"I love you too, Mom," he whispered. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the quiet warmth of her arms before the dream had to end.
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Post by Alex Meriweather on Jul 1, 2010 20:51:20 GMT -5
___________________
Alex eventually found a place to lay that wouldn't get him so close to Hitoshi as to be distracting, and fell asleep to the soft sound of the air conditioning.
He began to dream... of swords and spears, of strategy and philosophy, and of finding a man who was his match, or nearly so, in everything he cared about.
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Post by Hitoshi Gilespi on Jul 1, 2010 21:18:33 GMT -5
The wind blew faintly through the trees, bringing the sweet scent of flowers through the air.
A young woman stood in the field, dressed simply in a white chiton, staring at the sun in the distance. Her wild blond hair whipped in the air, and she tucked a flyaway strand back behind her ear.
She glanced back over her shoulder, the corners of her lips turning up slightly. "Alexander. I've been dying to meet you. I believe the two of us have a lot to talk about."
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