Post by jonathanharris on Dec 20, 2009 13:16:53 GMT -5
So I guess somebody decided to make a blog section for our school website. But I guess everybody's too busy with schoolwork and social lives and other bullshit like that to ever write anything here. Except for Ian, because Ian is a pathetic excuse for someone with a life. Seriously, he spends more time in the freaking library than with his girlfriend. How insane is that?
Ahem. Back on topic.
Well, I read a few of Ian's blogs. He hasn't really done any for a while. Mostly because he's locked himself in the library researching important stuff that I'm too lazy to look up (You're welcome, Dunehelden...) and he's got other things on his mind. So I thought to myself "Well, Jonathan, you've hit a dead end on the stuff you were doing, so why not go to the computer lab and write your own blog, just for the hell of it?"
Oh, come on, don't give me that look. You know you want to read a blog by the amazing and glorious and... oh, who the hell am I kidding? Read the fucking blog or I'll kick your ass.
So, anyway... I was watching some of the kids in the courtyard today and observing both the relationships and their reading habits, and I was struck by a very odd thought. Everyone seems to love fictional jerks and weirdos and pine after them relentlessly, but when one comes along in real life, they can't cut so much as a break. For fuck's sake, we're in a school for freaks, and I'm the freakiest of everybody. Shouldn't I be getting like a bazillion fangirls?
Take The Phantom of the Opera for example. I didn't watch it voluntarily. It was on the TV in the student lounge and I just happened to watch most of it. I got interested so I read the actual book out of sheer boredom. And I was seriously disturbed. You know why? Because the Phantom isn't a nice guy at all. He's a psychopathic, mentally unstable, homicidal maniac who kills for the hell of it. Fuck, he isn't even in love with that Christie chick. He's in love with the sound of her voice. And yet he has legions, no, straight up armies of fangirls following his every movement. Come on. And we even have that professor, what's-his-name, V-something, who gets nicknamed "The Phantom of Dunehelden". Um... hello? I don't want to go around being called "The Hannibal Lector of Dunehelden" or the "Dracula of Dunehelden". It's pretty much the same thing.
Dracula's kinda fucked too... Actually, vampires in general are fucked thanks to that Step... Stef... oh, hell. I can't remember her name. Well, I read the first like 50 pages of her book and then I chucked it out a third story window. It was the library's copy, too. Here this chick is surrounded by a ton of adoring, loving, caring, perfectly hot guys who want nothing more than the time of day from here and she goes for the one guy who's a total douche to her. I mean, what the fuck is up with that? Why do women always go for the guy who's a total dick?
And doesn't that mean I should be getting laid like every night? Geez, is it too much to ask for women to want to throw themselves at me? But no, it's nice people who get laid in real life. Nice people get the girls and me, perfectly attractive me, is left to pick at the remains.
But whatever. It's not like I don't get any. And I don't want friends or girlfriends or boyfriends or commitment. I mean, who would? It's so much work. You have to talk nice to them, and buy them gifts, and be completely and totally fake around them... this is friends and significant others, by the way. Me, I can pretty much do whatever the fuck I want and nobody can say anything, except for Ian, and I can just beat the living shit out of him.
Well, I'm getting bored with this. Maybe I'll do another one later. Right now, I'm gonna go see if I can score some drugs. So far, I haven't been able to find any on campus, but I have a promising lead and I might actually be able to score some pot. Wish me luck!
Thank you, shut up, and go the hell away.
Ahem. Back on topic.
Well, I read a few of Ian's blogs. He hasn't really done any for a while. Mostly because he's locked himself in the library researching important stuff that I'm too lazy to look up (You're welcome, Dunehelden...) and he's got other things on his mind. So I thought to myself "Well, Jonathan, you've hit a dead end on the stuff you were doing, so why not go to the computer lab and write your own blog, just for the hell of it?"
Oh, come on, don't give me that look. You know you want to read a blog by the amazing and glorious and... oh, who the hell am I kidding? Read the fucking blog or I'll kick your ass.
So, anyway... I was watching some of the kids in the courtyard today and observing both the relationships and their reading habits, and I was struck by a very odd thought. Everyone seems to love fictional jerks and weirdos and pine after them relentlessly, but when one comes along in real life, they can't cut so much as a break. For fuck's sake, we're in a school for freaks, and I'm the freakiest of everybody. Shouldn't I be getting like a bazillion fangirls?
Take The Phantom of the Opera for example. I didn't watch it voluntarily. It was on the TV in the student lounge and I just happened to watch most of it. I got interested so I read the actual book out of sheer boredom. And I was seriously disturbed. You know why? Because the Phantom isn't a nice guy at all. He's a psychopathic, mentally unstable, homicidal maniac who kills for the hell of it. Fuck, he isn't even in love with that Christie chick. He's in love with the sound of her voice. And yet he has legions, no, straight up armies of fangirls following his every movement. Come on. And we even have that professor, what's-his-name, V-something, who gets nicknamed "The Phantom of Dunehelden". Um... hello? I don't want to go around being called "The Hannibal Lector of Dunehelden" or the "Dracula of Dunehelden". It's pretty much the same thing.
Dracula's kinda fucked too... Actually, vampires in general are fucked thanks to that Step... Stef... oh, hell. I can't remember her name. Well, I read the first like 50 pages of her book and then I chucked it out a third story window. It was the library's copy, too. Here this chick is surrounded by a ton of adoring, loving, caring, perfectly hot guys who want nothing more than the time of day from here and she goes for the one guy who's a total douche to her. I mean, what the fuck is up with that? Why do women always go for the guy who's a total dick?
And doesn't that mean I should be getting laid like every night? Geez, is it too much to ask for women to want to throw themselves at me? But no, it's nice people who get laid in real life. Nice people get the girls and me, perfectly attractive me, is left to pick at the remains.
But whatever. It's not like I don't get any. And I don't want friends or girlfriends or boyfriends or commitment. I mean, who would? It's so much work. You have to talk nice to them, and buy them gifts, and be completely and totally fake around them... this is friends and significant others, by the way. Me, I can pretty much do whatever the fuck I want and nobody can say anything, except for Ian, and I can just beat the living shit out of him.
Well, I'm getting bored with this. Maybe I'll do another one later. Right now, I'm gonna go see if I can score some drugs. So far, I haven't been able to find any on campus, but I have a promising lead and I might actually be able to score some pot. Wish me luck!
Thank you, shut up, and go the hell away.